Ok, let’s be honest. Zion Williamson is already a star, but I just wanted to use a catchy cliché title to draw you in.

Hopefully it worked.

But Williamson will start his much anticipated NBA career tonight after one brief, but electric season at the basketball factory Duke University. He’ll start for the team that drafted him, and somehow miraculously tumbled into the first pick after an insane lottery, the New Orleans Pelicans.

And guess who Williamson and the Pelicans play tonight in their first summer league game?

The New York Knicks.

How fucking perfect is that? The team and fanbase that so desperately wanted that number one pick so that Williamson could resurrect (save?) the Knicks tepid franchise but instead they slid down to the third pick. I love sticking it to these big city franchises.

So hopefully Williamson- hold on for a second while I go on a tangent, I feel like Zion Williamson should just go by Zion. Like a Brazilian futbol player, or Ichiro when he was in the MLB. Like his jersey should literally say Zion on the back, don’t even mess with Williamson. I’d buy that jersey ASAP. Ok back to my scheduled thoughts- can dunk all over these Knicks and use this game as a stepping stone for a superstar career.

I don’t think anyone is against Williamson becoming a star, that would just be kind of weird. But lets just say I want Williamson to become a star because the we need it. We the people need it.

Why do the people need it? I’ll break it down for you.

DUNKS-

If you’ve never seen Williamson dunk a basketball please stop reading this now and go youtube Zion Williamson dunks. Please proceed to watch at least 15 minutes of his highlight dunks (you’ll probably want to keep watching, please do) and be amazed.

The fact that any human being can jump that high or far while doing other crazy acrobatics in the air WHILE trying to score the ball into the hoop seems impossible. But he does it, with relative ease.

Here are a couple of dunks I’d recommend for you to watch to get the full grasp on what I’m really talking about-

This is unreal for any human to jump from 15 feet to dunk a basketball. We’ve seen the classic Michael Jordan video (if you haven’t again stop and go youtube it, also wtf are you doing with your life if you’ve never seen this?) in the dunk contest doing the same thing. But off the top of my head I honestly can’t remember anyone else doing it. I’m sure others have but it’s a ridiculously difficult thing to do.

So I can’t find just the highlight by itself so first enjoy this impressive dunk by Williamson’s teammate first and then be even more amazed by Williamson’s dunk after. I don’t understand how he literally spins and gravitates, then proceeds to do a windmill dunk ALL WWHILE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE GAME. Also don’t overlook the defensive part of Williamson here intercepting that ball like Earl Thomas out of nowhere.

This dunk is at the very beginning of the video. The dunks after are nice, but this to me is one of Williamson’s nicest dunks of his young career. I love the use of both hands here, how he can literally do anything with the ball with either his left or right. That isn’t easy for a 16 year old (which how old he is in this video) or anyone else to do. Then add in the alley oop part plus how high he is doing all this it doesn’t seem possible.

But here we are.

SIZE–

What seems to make this all even more impossible is that Williamson isn’t some 6’7” 200 prototypical high flyer. Yes, he’s 6’7” but he’s been listed between 270-295 pounds, and I’m sure he’ll play his career at the 280 range. I mean it seems to have been working out as of late.

I can only imagine having a 6’7” 200 pounder flying into my face, hell I’ve had Derrick Williams the University of Arizona legend and Nick Foles the Super Bowl MVP dunk on me at the Arizona rec center while playing pick up. Ya, that wasn’t fun, but I couldn’t imagine a 6’7” 285 pounder flying at me from 5-10 feet away.

Just to list a couple other human beings that size-

Julius Peppers defensive end for the Carolina Panthers played his career at 280-295 and is 6’7. He was also a freak athlete and played college basketball at North Carolina.

Hulk Hogan wrestled at 6’7” and somewhere between 285 and 300 pounds during his career. If you don’t know who Hulk Hogan please just stop what you’re doing and reevaluvate your life.

Lebron James- Ok so yes Lebron is 6’7 and probably hasn’t played much at 285 in his career but it’s been rumored he’s been at the weight before. No I’m not comparing Lebron to Zion 😉

Personality-

I don’t know Williamson personally and millions of people will never, but from what I’ve seen him in interviews and how he interacts with his teammates on he seems like a genuinely good person. I think majority of people like to watch a world class athlete act humble and have fun like a normal 19 year old would. I know personally when I’ve watched Williamson sit down for interviews he seems humble, sincere, friendly, funny and just down to earth.

As a younger person (at 27 I like to think I’m young except today my body does not feel like it after a couple long days of sun, swimming and drinking) I like to see my favorite athletes be exactly like Williamson. I know Lebron has his moments on and off the court where it seems like his teammates aren’t fond of him, but when you really think about it nobody has come out and said “Lebron is a total dick”, and that’s why Lebron is a famous world class athlete. Because he has come from little and still acts like it for the most part.

We’ve seen plenty of first pick busts in recent drafts and I ( and many others) could be completely wrong when it comes to Williamson’s future. But if you aren’t actually rooting for this kid to become a superstar then what’s wrong with you?

NUGGETS WITH A LITTLE SAUCEEE

NBA FREE AGENCY IS CRAY CRAY—-

The NBA is taking full advantage of the NFL offseason with the arrival of Zion, and of course some crazy NBA free agency. Just to recap-

Kevin Durant Golden State-à Brooklyn

Kyrie Irving Bostonà Brooklyn

Kemba Walker CharlotteàBoston

Jimmy Butler Minnesotaà Miami

D’Angelo Russell Brooklynà Golden State

Al Horford BostonàPhiladelphia

Kawhi Leonard Torontoà Who the fuck knows

We’ve witnessed some insane free agency deadlines in the NBA and MLB, but this one has really stood out to me not just because of these signings but also because of Anthony Davis was traded to the Lakers to play with Lebron.

THIS LEAGUE, MAN. I hope Kawhi stays with Toronto, I think the NBA would be so fun with that kind of parity. Plus, I can’t see LeBron and Kawhi being on the same team in Los Angeles. They seem like polar opposites to me, but hey that’s just my two cents.

A MAN WAS ROBBED AND HIS NAME IS…

DANIEL VOGELBACH. You might have never heard of him, but the burly Mariners slugger hits bombs. And I mean absolute bombs as Phil Mickelson would say. Yes, the Mariners suck. Yes, nobody watches the Mariners and probably don’t know who Vogelbach is.

But this guy has hit 20 homeruns in the first half of the season while only appearing at the plate 266 times. Also he looks like the rest of us and is just a stud. Let the man hit bombs with that awesome swing.

WHAT WERE YOU DOING AT 15?

Lets see here, I know for sure I was riding my longboard to the local sears for drivers ed. Man, I was hot shit back in the day. But for real, you know who is actually the current GOAT?

Coco Gauff, who is 15 years old won her third match at Wimbledon to advance to the firth round I’m sure was not worried about getting to drivers ed at the local Sears.

Like how in the in the actual hell does a 15 year old do this? I’d be freaking out even now at the age of 27. She also seems very poised on and off the court, which is even more impressive as a 15 year old.

Now this is literally my introduction this phenomenal athlete, but how will she handle a loss? How will she handle adversity? It’s tough at that age but man if she’s got the right system around her she could be that next tennis GOAT like Serena or Federer.

YOUR TOP 5

Yesterday was July 4th so here are my top five favorite July 4th things (very specifically)

5. Partying on July 3rd– Unless you work on July 4th you know you can turn up the night before with no consequences.

4. Cornhole- This has become quite the popular summer game the last couple of years and now I think of it as mandatory July 4th game as well. If you don’t then lets fight.

3. Hot Dogs- Ok, so I think in general hot dogs get a bad wrap but I like to think we can all come together on July 4th and eat hot dogs in a judge free environment.

2. Watching kids light off fireworks- I’m not a huge fireworks guy but I really enjoyed seeing a 5 year old wandering around with a bucket literally of fire down the street.

1. Family and Friends- I’m going to get corny here but nothing better than having a day to just hang out with the people in your life.

GOD BLESS AMERICA

Since I didn’t say anything about the NFL how about this- PLEASE KICK TYREEK HILL OUT OF THE LEAGUE NOW

FAREWELL HEATHENS

Anchorage, Alaska reached 90 degrees on July 4th while Joey Chestnut ate 71 hot dogs.

You’re welcome.