Author Archives: animalcrossinghero

Fuck the NFL Preseason. This shit sucks. It’s like watching the MLS versus the Premiere League, there’s a drastic difference in talent. I understand that the preseason is good for depth to many teams, but is it really necessary to have four preseason games? It’s not, therefore I am going to start my predictions now because in my mind the regular season is starting soon and FUCK PRESEASON FOOTBALL.

So here are division by division predictions with a couple of other predictions thrown in.

AFC West

4. Oakland Raiders (5-11)

3. Denver Broncos (6-10)

2. LA Chargers (11-5)

1. Kansas City Chiefs (13-3)

Before Derwin James injured his foot, I loved the Chargers as a sneaky AFC West winner. Unfortunately, for the Chargers the James injury is a huge loss to a really good Chargers defense.

That opens the door for the Chiefs, who could have probably won this division even if James was healthy. We all saw what the Chiefs can do on offense, it’s like a damn fireworks show, and this season they improve on the defensive side of the ball with additions of defensive end Frank Clark and safety Tyrann Matthieu.

Meanwhile the Raiders and Broncos are at the bottom of the pact searching for answers and improvement from last season. Both teams could have quarterback questions by the end of the season with Joe Flacco under center in Denver and Derek Carr in Oakland.

The Chiefs will provide the AFC West with a serious Super Bowl contender heading into this season, especially if that defense improves.

Rookie of the year: Josh Jacobs RB Oakland Raiders

This guy is going to get all the opportunities in the world to tote the rock for the Raiders. He’s bound to put up some numbers.

Defensive Player of the year: Von Miller DE Broncos

A sexy pick would have been Joey Bosa out of LA, but Von Miller gets it done every week. I assume this season won’t be much different, if not better.

MVP: Patrick Mahomes QB Chiefs

There’s no way that Mahomes and the Chiefs can put up the same stats as last season? Well, if they don’t then they’ll be damn close in my opinion. This is an easy choice for MVP of the division.

AFC East

4. Miami Dolphins (4-12)

3. Buffalo Bills (6-10)

2. New York Jets (9-7)

1. New England Patriots (13-3)

I wish this was the year that I could predict that someone else wins the AFC East, but I’m not stupid. Listen, the Patriots are the standard and the rest of the NFL is just competing with them at this point. Can you imagine being one their divisional foes? Fuck that.

Meanwhile the Dolphins are a hot mess, and this is not going to be a peachy season. I do think the Bills will be way better than last season, but they have a very tough schedule. As for the Jets I think they will be one of the most improved teams (especially on offense) by the time the season ends. Sam Darnold now has LeVeon Bell as his backfield mate, yes please.

Sure, the Jets might be fun to watch but the Patriots are the Super Bowl Favorites, sorry to the rest of the AFC East.

RoY- Quinnen Williams DT Jets

This is my favorite pick of the draft, because when I watch this guy he’s just a big old d-tackle playing like a 240 pound end. This dude could finish with 8+ sacks and make a real impact on the Jets defense.

Defensive PoY– Xavien Howard CB Dolphins

Howard might be the best cornerback in the game right now. Last season he tied two other players with the most interceptions, seven, and that was only in 12 games. The Dolphins are absolutely terrible, but Howard is an All-Pro.

MVP- Le’Veon Bell RB Jets

Before you start yelling at me for not choosing the GOAT, Tom Brady, just remember that he isn’t that much of a prolific quarterback statistically like he used to be. On the other hand Bell should be a very prolific player statistically because he’s bound to be a vital part to the running and passing game. After a year off, Bell is only 27 years old and is primed for a huge season in an offense that should take some huge steps forward this season.

AFC South

4. Jacksonville Jaguars (4-12)

3. Tennessee Titans (7-9)

2. Indianapolis Colts (8-8)

1. Houston Texans (10-6)

This division is really weird now, considering the Colts just lost there former first overall pick, and pro bowl quarterback Andrew Luck to retirement. I thought they could have competed with the Texans to win the division, but that’s over.

The Titans are mediocre at best, with a flailing quarterback in Marcus Mariota who’s in a prove it season. Meanwhile the Jaguars signed BDN (Bick Dick Nick) Foles to a contract, but even that won’t fix that team.

Your easy favorite in this division is the Texans, and to me it’s not that close. They’ve got one of the best offenses in the league, and there defense isn’t far behind.

RoY– Josh Allen DE Jaguars

This isn’t a sexy pick, but he’s going to be on the field a lot and he’s going to be able to wreak havoc all over the quarterback. He’s also been playing very well this preseason. Look for around 6-8 sacks and lots of pressures.

DPoY- Kevin Byard S Titans

Here’s your sexy pick over guys like Leonard and Watt. Byard is a dynamic safety for the Titans who made the Pro Bowl in 2017. Last season he didn’t put up all the picks he had in 2017, but he did record 90 tackles and was of course thrown less to. I could see another 6-8 picks with 80+ tackles.

MVP- Deandre Hopkins

Hopkins is going to have a huge year, no matter who’s throwing to him. That’s why having Pro Bowl quarterback DeShaun Watson throwing him passes should boost his MVP campaign that much more. Look for 100+ catches, 1,500 yards and 8+ touchdowns (DRAFT THIS GUY IN FANTASY YOURE WELCOME)

AFC North

4. Cincinnati Bengals (5-11)

3. Baltimore Ravens (7-9)

2. Cleveland Browns (9-7)

1. Pittsburgh Steelers (11-5)

The Browns are the sexiest team in the NFL right now, and it’s hard for me not to stare either, but let’s take a step back and look at the division.

I know that we have this exciting and edgy Browns team just waiting to smash expectations, but don’t get your hopes up because the Steelers are still in this division with a veteran coach and quarterback in Mike Tomlin and Ben Roethlisberger.

The Browns do have a core of young players that could overtake this Steelers team, but not this season.

As for the bottom of the division, the Bengals need to replace quarterback Andy Dalton ASAP to make noise in this division, because that offense is just weak and the defense is a travesty.

One of the more intriguing teams is the Ravens. There success will really hinge on quarterback Lamar Jackson’s development, but there defense will also play a huge part as they lost a bunch of starters from last year.

RoY- Devin Bush LB Steelers

Bush is your new breed of linebacker in the NFL ranging from sideline to sideline and he’ll make his presence known immediately in the middle of that defense. He could become that next great Steelers linebacker.

DPoY- Myles Garrett DE Browns

In two seasons, and only 27 games Garrett has racked up 20 total sacks, and he’s only 23 years old. This should be a gigantic leap of a season for him and I’m predicting 15+ sacks on a much improved Browns defense.

MVP- Ben Roethlisberger QB Steelers

The old reliable quarterback still has a bit of game left, and I think this might be a career season with a fresh start without Antonio Brown. He’s going to compete with Browns quarterback Baker Mayfield for MVP, but I see Big Ben edging him out for this.

Playoffs

Wild Card

Browns 13 @ Steelers 24

Chargers 27 @ Texans 21

Be happy Browns fans, they made the playoffs. Just be patient. Meanwhile, the Steelers roll along and the Chargers upset a inexperienced Texans team.

Divisional Round

Steelers 31 @ Chiefs 33

Chargers 17 @ Patriots 23

The Chiefs advance to the Conference Championship in a shootout against the Steelers, and on the other side the Patriots handle business as usual in a close contest against the Chargers.

Conference Championship

Chiefs 35 @ Patriots 34

In an instant classic the Chiefs edge out the Patriots when they miss a game winning field goal (sorry Stephen Gostkowski). The Chiefs offense spurs them to the Super Bowl and meanwhile there defense makes a big play towards the end of the game.

I’m not going to pile on the preseason again like I did in the AFC Preview. So here are the NFC Division predictions with some others sprinkled in.

NFC West

4. San Franciso 49ers (6-10)

3. Arizona Cardinals (7-9)

2. LA Rams (10-6)

1. Seattle Seahawks (11-5)

That’s right, I’m going all in on the Hawks this season. I liked the Hawks before the Clowney trade, but now am even more on board now. Offensively, this might be the best offense the Hawks have had since, well, forever. Defensively as long as injuries don’t hit they should be fine, if not good.

The Hawks will have to fend off the Rams all season, but I think with the lingering Toddy Gurley injury and a suspect defense (other than the GOAT Aaron Donald) the Rams will come back down to earth a bit.

At the bottom of this division will be the 49ers and Cardinals. It will be a close contest between two intriguing teams. The Cardinals will be showcasing that new offense under Kliff Kingsbury, and I’m not going to even try to guess if that works out.

As for the 49ers, I’m not buying the hype. I think Jimmy G is overrated and that defense isn’t going anywhere in a physical division.

RoY- Kyler Murray QB Cardinals

This might be too obvious of a choice picking the number one draft pick, but he’s going to get every chance to make plays with his legs and arm all game long. I expect some ridiculous stats including a lot of turnovers.

DPoY- Aaron Donald DT Rams

Like I said, the Rams defense is not going to be good this year, but Donald will help them be average. Expect another 10+ sacks and constant havoc.

MVP- Russell Wilson QB Seahawks

Wilson will never put up crazy numbers, but they’ll always be towards the top of the leader board and then when you look closer you’ll see how efficient he really was lighting it up on the field.

NFC East

4. Washington Skins (3-13)

3. New York Giants (5-11)

2. Dallas Cowboys (9-7)

1. Philadelphia Eagles (11-5)

The Eagles are just too talented from top to bottom, and as long as Carson Wentz stays healthy they could have a special year. Defensively they might not be the most physical or talented squad, but they make enough big plays to keep them afloat.

I think this might be the year where the Cowboys and Jason Garrett part ways after a mediocre 9-7 record. With lots of hype heading into the season I just don’t see them living up to it. We’ll see!

As for the bottom tier of this division, Jay Gruden could be the first coach fired and it won’t even be his fault. Derrius Guice could be fun to watch :/. As for the Giants it’s almost time to replace the GOAT Eli Manning with his heir apparent GOAT Daniel Jones. Can you imagine a Daniel Jones-Saquon Barkley combo? I’m salivating already.

RoY- Miles Sanders RB Eagles

What a steal for the Eagles. Sanders will become that lead dog in the backfield quickly and could accumulate 1,000 yards of total offense and 6+ touchdowns.

DPoY- Demarcus Lawerence DE Cowboys

I was this close to picking fellow Cowboy, linebacker Leighton Vander Esch, but lets be honest sacks are sexy and that’s what Lawerence does. Look for close to 15 sacks.

MVP- Carson Wentz QB Eagles

The big if with Wentz is if he can stay healthy, and if he can he could be a real MVP candidate in the entire NFC. In a full season he’s going to put up some gaudy numbers.

NFC South

4. Carolina Panthers (5-11)

3. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (6-10)

2. Atlanta Falcons (10-6)

1. New Orleans Saints (11-5)

This is an extremely top and bottom heavy conference. The biggest surprise might be the Panthers finishing last, but I just don’t see that organization making any leaps in forever. Meanwhile Newton has to stay healthy, and I don’t know if he can.

The Buccaneers offense could be good, really good under new head coach Bruce Arians. But that defense is absolute garbage and quarterback Jameis Winston needs to learn how to take care of the ball.

Battling for first should be the Falcons and Saints. Both teams are known for there elite offenses, but it’s there defenses that will separate these two. On paper the Falcons defense does look better, but I’ll take the Saints experience for one more season.

RoY- Devin White LB Buccaneers

To be completely honest with you the NFC South did not draft very often this year and when they did it was not exactly sexy. White though is the Buccaneers first round pick and should get plenty of tackles on that porous defense.

DPoY- Luke Kuechly LB Panthers

If Kuechly can stay healthy, even on a bad Panthers team, he should be able to lock this thing up quickly. He’s a top five defensive player in the league.

MVP- Matt Ryan QB Falcons

Ryan should put up some heavy numbers in this offense, and he’s always been an underrated quarterback in this league. His main competition for this is Drew Brees, but I’m not sure he’s got the same arm he used to have.

NFC North

4. Detroit Lions (5-10-1, YOU LIKE THAT TIE)

3. Minnesota Vikings (9-6-1)

2. Chicago Bears (10-6)

1. Green Bay Packers (12-4)

This is going to be a very close and physical division, but I see Aaron Rodgers having a career year and spearheading the Packers to the division crown.

The Bears are not far back, and it’s possible that defense with guys like Khalil Mack, Kyle Fuller and Leonard Floyd could be the pivotal group to lead them to a division title. BUT, no it won’t happen.

This division will be very close with the Vikings also playing some tough football on both sides of the ball, but I just don’t see them having enough fire power with Kirk Cousins at quarterback.

As for the Lions this will be a tough year. Matt Patricia could be gone by the end of the season.

RoY- David Montgomery RB Bears

This was one of my favorite picks of the draft. Montgomery is going to become the cowbell back in this offense, and he’s going to put up some serious numbers.

DPoY- Khalil Mack DE Bears

Last year Mack was just getting used to the NFC North and put up 12.5 sacks. This season I’m guessing 15+ sacks and constant headaches to all NFC North quarterbacks.

MVP- Aaron Rodgers QB Packers

In the end Rodgers should have the last laugh over everyone in this division. He’s had a couple of down years (which are only down for him) and I’m expecting some staggering actual MVP stats this season.

Playoffs

Wild Card

Falcons 28 @Eagles 24

Bears 17 @ Saints 27

The Falcons pull off the upset in Philly as Matt Ryan goes off and the Falcons make some key stops. Meanwhile the Saints handle the Bears who can’t handle the Superdome noise.

Divisional Round

Falcons 20 @ Packers 17

Saints 21 @ Seahawks 23

Another big upset by the red hot Falcons over the Packers at a cold Lambeau field, where Atlanta’s defense tops the Packers. In the other game the Seahawks barely edge out the Saints in a loud and physical game.

Conference Championship

Falcons 20 @ Seahawks 26

Russell Wilson leads a game winning drive to beat a tough Falcons team. Seahawks defense causes a couple of key turnovers, and the run game keeps the ball from Matt Ryan and the Falcons offense.

IT’S BACK BITCHES. LFG!!!!!!!!!!

HEre we fucking go ladies and gentleman (and kids, but you shoulld have probably stopped after reading that b word up there), FOOTBALL IS BACK. IT’S SO FUCKING GLORIOUS.

Tomorrow the Broncos will play the Falcons to open up the preseason, and then college football will start, and then real NFL games. It’s like motha fucking christmas and hanukkah ( shout out to my fellow jews out there, l’chayim!). There are so many great things to love about football in general.

It’s not easy for me to choose between the NFL and college football. I like to say that I lean towards the NFL, and I probably do, but many watch an SEC game during that primetime slot and you might sway to college football real quickly. There’s something about that passion and pageantry in college football that the NFL just can’t match.

But let’s be honest, no one can ever or will never (well maybe) beat the talent the NFL puts on field. It is unreal. We continue to see things we’ve never seen before every week. These guys are freaks, and somehow these athletes are just becoming even freakier.

I wanted to briefly touch on a bunch of football related topics very quickly through out this post. It’s too early for predictions and other things like that, but here’s just random thoughts about college and NFL just rolling off the top of my head.

NFL Domestic Violence Discipline-

The NFL and Roger Goodell have really fumbled the ball on this issue throughout the last couple of years. At times they made it look like they were giving out the right punishment but then a month later a clear cut case would receive no punishment.

For example if you follow the NFL you probably read that Seahawks defensive tackle was just suspended for six games stemming from a domestic violence issue that happened in 2017. He was neither arrested or charged in this case.

Now that could be the police’s fault, and maybe he should have been arrested or charged. But the thing that throws me for a loop is the process and why another NFL player who had audio evidence of him being abusive wasn’t suspended?

That would be Kansas City Chiefs receiver Tyreek Hill. After a lengthy investigation by the NFL Hill didn’t receive any sort of suspension by the NFL. Read the first part of that last sentence one more time.

After a LENGTHY INVESTIGATION BY THE NFL…

I find it funny that the NFL doesn’t really care what the police had to say or did because they are going to do their own investigation. It’s like Goodell and his minions think that there some cowboys laying down the law after their own investigations. And i get it, he’s hired former professionals that have done this stuff for a living, but you’re really just going to say ” hey a case that took place two years ago that didn’t include an arrest or a charge we have a punishment now for it and it’s 6 games!”. Now I’m not trying to compare domestic violence issues here, but maybe both should have been suspended and maybe just maybe, the NFL should give up their righteous cowboys game on figuring out punishments for football players.

PAC 12 WTF-

I was born and raised on pac 12 football. I grew up with the USC dynasty (even though I didn’t like it). I remember Rick Neuheisel like it was yesterday. Then I remember Oregon becoming a national powerhouse, while Stanford was on their toes.

And now, poof it’s like the Pac 12 took all the steps backwards to become a dormant conference in college football. Very few people take the Pac 12 seriously and I don’t blame them.

There TV deal is a joke, they play games at 10 pm on the east coast every saturday night, they don’t recruit like Big 10 or SEC programs, and they don’t compete like them either.

So until the Pac 12 decides they want to gain some national exposure and play with the big boys they’ll remain an afterthought in college football for years to come. Unfortunately this probably will not be the year this happens.

You’re Welcome NFL Offenses-

After last seasons fiasco in the NFC Championship game when the refs literally blew the game by not calling pass interference call on a obvious call the city of New Orleans and other football fans were pissed.

The NFL decided to look into that see what they could do, which is a great step, but wow did they over step it with the new rule. That rule being pass interference can be challenged at any point before a two minute warning, and after that two minute warning it would be looked at automatically like any other replay in the last two minutes.

WOW WOW WOW WOW WOW.

So to fix your screw up you’re just going to let teams chuck it in the air and challenge any sort of contact. First off, the contact happening is a pure judgement call by itself that isn’t exactly white and black. Secondly, the NFL and Roger has given the offenses all the slack in the world so here’s another silver platter for you guys. Third, this is just bullshit and will become a thorn in the NFL’s side by lets say week 4. A game will be decided by one of these calls and shit will hit the fan.

Class Goodell move.

The Connection-

There is nothing more that connects college football to the NFL than the NFL Draft. This has become a sacred event with a Hollywood glam feel to it. These college kids who worked so hard for “nOtHiNG” now get a shot at their professional dreams in the NFL.

But for real this next years draft class will be fun. I’m no draftnik, and usually don’t like making predictions until the season is done (see Jevan Snead. YOU WEREN”T READY FOR THE JEVAN SNEAD REFERENCE), but here are a couple of themes and early storylines to monitor for next years draft and this years college football season.

• Everyone loves the quarterback and this class has some talent. The one that intrigues me the most is Oregon quarterback Justin Herbert who reminds me a lot of Cam Newton. Guys like Jake Fromm out of Georgia and Tua Tagovailoa out of Bama round out that top early three, but there are many others that can flat out play.
• This wide receiver class is stacked with a lot of different types of receivers. I love that there’s a guy out west at Colorado making himself a household name under the name of Laviska Shenault Jr, a speedster in the Midwest CeeDee Lamb out Oklahoma, and of course the guy down south at Bama, Jerry Jeudy. But the list does not stop there. NFL teams will be able to find starters easily on day 2 of the draft.
• In my opinion one of the most important positions in football currently on either side of the ball is defense end/ pass rusher. That’s where the Big 10 steps in for next years crop of potential draftees. Ohio State has Chase Young, the guy who replaced Nick Bosa with very little issues, AJ Epenasa out of Iowa is a stud and Penn State has a freak pass rusher named Yetur Gross-Matos.

GAMBLING TIPS FOR YOU DEGENS LIKE ME-

Well, football is here and that means many things but one is vitally important.

Gambling.

Gambling on football is like crack cocaine and nobody can tell me different even though I’ve never done crack cocaine in my life.

So here are a couple of life tips for gambling on this football season-

• Always bet on a over of 40 in the NFL. JUST TRUST ME, I ALWAYS WIN.
• If Oklahoma is playing and the over/under is set at 60 BET THE DAMN OVER EVERY TIME.
• Whatever the over is in the Oklahoma-Texas Tech game take the fucking over.
• A good prop bet always involves a fullback. Think on it.
• No matter what happens at the end of a weekend betting, there’s always next weekend (even if you’re broke and didn’t follow my winning manual on football betting).

Tonights picks are these- Under 34.5 (it’s a preseason game my rules dont count) Broncos -3

GOOD FUCKING LUCK MY FELLOW DEGENS. MAY YOU WEATHER THE BAD BEATS AND COME ON TOP AS CHAMPIONS.

Are you fucking kidding me Roger?

Yesterday Jarran Reed was suspended six games for a domestic violence incident that occurred over two years ago. He was neither arrested or charged ever for the incident.

On Monday, Tyreek Hill, was not suspended by the NFL for any period of time after tapes leaked of him threatening his partner and child months ago.

I don’t want to compare domestic violence issues. We all know that hitting a woman or child is completely wrong and abhorrent. Hell, you shouldn’t be hitting anyone. Just don’t hit people, especially women and children. It seems easy but I guess it’s not.

So I don’t want to compare the events that took place in each of these situations, but I want to compare how the NFL handled these cases.

Why?

Because, Reed should be suspended if all of this true (and even if not a suspension could still be warranted just for getting himself into this mess) and Hill should be suspended as well for threatening his girlfriend over an audio tape.

But for inexplicable reason the NFL didn’t suspend Hill. I have no clue why, it sounds like no one really knows why and most people are pretty fucking pissed off at why not.

I don’t want to dive too far into the domestic violence issues in the NFL under Roger Goodell, but lets take a look back at the ugly Ray Rice incident where there was actual video proof of a domestic violence incident. In the gruesome video Rice punches a woman (who was his fiance). It’s ugly, and the following days were some ugly ones for the NFL as well.

This is a good time line of events (shout out to SB Nation)- https://www.sbnation.com/nfl/2014/5/23/5744964/ray-rice-arrest-assault-statement-apology-ravens

So the NFL saw one video of Rice dragging his fiance out of the elevator and then was suspended for two games. This by the way took the league four months to figure out.

A month after the announcement of the two game suspension and plenty of blow back from people, the NFL and Goodell decided that they fucked up and beefed up the penalty for first time domestic violence offenders to six games. This was not a bad move, but it was late and reactionary. Also, this took Goodell a month to figure out that he screwed up.

Then in a turn of events that I’m sure shook the NFL and Goodell, a second video came out that showed the punch that knocked out Rice’s fiance. Rice was suspended indefinitely the same day the video was release, and he has never played another down of football in his NFL career. Another classic reactionary move from Goodell and the NFL.

Since then the NFL has dealt with multiple domestic violence incidents. Some more clearer than others, but some of the most notable examples being-

Greg Hardy- A real POS, Hardy threatened and physically abused his girlfriend by throwing her against a wall and on to a couch covered in guns. He was arrested and charged with multiple different things including assault. He was originally suspended 10 games, but then the suspension was reduced to four games. Not exactly a defining moment for Goodell and the league offices.

Reuben Foster- A younger linebacker that has had two separate incidents with domestic violence in his career, but yet was still signed by a team to play when the NFL deems him ready. He was arrested and charged for multiple causes, including domestic violence on two separate occasions. He’s currently on the injured reserve with a torn ACL. Hopefully he never gets a chance to play football again.

Ezekiel Elliot- After a year of investigating five separate incidents of domestic violence with an ex-girlfriend the NFL decided to suspend Elliot for six games. He hadn’t been arrested or charged. His suspension bounced around through different courts, and he was able to play during those weeks. Another confusing standard set here.

There have been a lot more incidents that will just prove my point in how wacky the NFL and Goodell are when it comes to handing out punishments. They seem to really have no timeline on deciding suspensions and even worse no strict guidelines to how long suspensions should be.

The NFL needs to understand that these are sensitive situations that deserve more clarity and organization otherwise no one, especially future players, will understand these random punishments.

It’s not fair that some players are being arrested or charged, that some aren’t, that some are being suspended for a shorter amount of games and then being extended or vice-versa. It’s confusing and it’s not the right way to handle these delicate situations that involve women and/or children being beat by grown ass men.

Of course this lands back on the players and society as a whole, but if the NFL clears up there rules regarding domestic violence that might be the first step to changing things.

MUSINGS

The Irishman Did It-

Shane Lowry, my fellow fat man, won The Open (formerly the British open but thats frowned upon now?) and it wasn’t relatively close.

Unfortunately, I of course bet on Tommy Fleetwood who finished second. On to the next bet as my friend Bill Belichick would say.

But shout out to Lowry for winning in his home country on a beautiful course. Not only did he fight off guys like Brooks Koepka, Rickie Fowler and Fleetwood, he dominated them.

One reason why I’ve recently started getting into golf is because it seems like every tournament recently has either been close or won by a real big underdog. Shout out to golf man.

Pat Fitzgerald, you sir, need a millennial intervention

Ok, to be completely honest I didn’t listen to all of it, but Northwest coach Pat Fitzgerald had a strong opinion on cell phones (or phones) at the Big 10 Media days and boy was it a wild ride.

Northwestern head coach Pat Fitzgerald puts NCAA football's attendance problem and really society's eventual downfall in perspective:

Phones.

I know you might be watching this on one, but couldn't agree more with @PatFitzgerald23 pic.twitter.com/lQfiyVmpmM

— Rick Tarsitano (@RickTarsitano) July 20, 2019

First off, I like Fitzgerald. He’s a phenomenal football coach that has taken Northwestern to places and games they’ve never been to before. He also seems like a pretty smart dude, and maybe he had a point with this rant but it was bit off.

No, i do not think that cell phones have been the main reason why attendance has decreased at football games. Here are a couple of reasons why-

Money- It’s cheaper to watch at home

Comfort- lets be honest sometimes your couch is all and what you really need

Technology- I think technology in a whole has a played a part in this. Not just phones, but larger tvs with better picture. Almost good if not as live.

Yes, phones might be hindering some communication between us millennial’s (not me though, I love to talk to people face to face it’s my favorite) but it ain’t decreasing football attendance.

TOP 5

Condiments

5. Yellow Mustard- A classic condiment that is great on hot dogs and sometimes burgers.

4. Tartar Sauce- Great on any fried fish and fries.

3. Honey Mustard- A very underrated condiment in my opinion. Now this does depend on the brand, but I’ve found that Mcdonalds, Chick Fil-A and Wendy’s have the best honey mustard sauces.

2. BBQ Sauce- Perfect on hot dogs, burgers, chicken, fries and other food. If you don’t like BBQ sauce GTFO

1. Ketchup- The king of condiments, the sauce boss, the nectar to my meats. Ketchup is the undisputed number 1 condiment of all time.

BITCH IM BACK

AND HERE WE ARE

LFG

Wow, is it slow in the sports world. Maybe that’s why I’m lowkey going crazy and partying every weekend. Maybe that or it’s summer. As you can tell by my first two sentences I haven’t watched much sports lately because like I said it’s BEEN FUCKING SLOW IN THE SPORTS WORLD.

I know I was at a party last week and drank too much tequila (which I never do). I also woke up with a bit of some sort on my leg that has festered into funny looking scar on my calf. I think it’s a Yellow Sac spider bit, ya I looked that shit up. Don’t worry according to the internet I won’t die.

But anyways I did watch some baseball the other night. The Yankees-Rays and the Braves-Brewers. Both were great games with plenty of highlights from entertaining players. The Rays catcher Travis D’Arnaud (probably spelled that wrong YOLO) hit three homers including a go ahead bomb off the hardest throwing pitcher in the game Aroldis Chapman. The Braves beat the Brewers and the highlight for me was Freddie Freeman golfing a curveball out to dead center off the scoreboard. That was bad ass.

And I want to be frank here, I really don’t watch much baseball other than the Mariners and lately I’ve watched a lot less because of the Mariners failures.

But these were fun games. The players played with passion and you could tell that all of them wanted to win. There was constant chirping between players and umps, partly due to framing pitches so well that the umps were having a tough time figuring out the zone.

Not only players but managers from all teams had constant chatter with umps regarding calls all over the field. I DON”T SEE THAT IN MARINERS GAME EVER.

Which I sort of get, considering that these 4 teams are playing for the playoffs and the Mariners are playing for the first overall pick.

But fuck man, I’m so tired of this Mariners bullshits and I’m tired of getting told to be patient. FUCK THAT AND FUCK YOU.

And don’t fucking tell me I’m a terrible fan. No, I don’t live in a fucking wonderland where I believe the Mariners are going to magically turn it around with a bunch of teenagers and early 20 year olds in 5 years. FUCKING STOP. I will buy it when I see it.

Now that’s not to say that Mariners are making the wrong decision tearing this down and trying to start over with homegrown talent. THAT IS A GREAT IDEA IF PROPERLY EXECUTED.

Read that last sentence one more time.

IF PROPERLY EXECUTED MIGHT BE THE MOST IMPORTANT WORDS IN THIS ARTICLE. BECAUSE GUESS WHAT? THE MARINERS HAVEN”T DONE THAT SINCE THE MID 90’S.

So yes this is the obvious and only choice to rebuild a tepid franchise, but I will not get my hopes up until I actually see it.

Now back from Mariners rant and onto another one. Those two baseball games I watched WAS FUCKING AWESOME.

I know that baseball is struggling with viewers (even though there are still some out there will somehow skew the numbers some other way that doesn’t make any fucking sense) and popularity in general. And I get that if you’re a Mariners fan or some other shit franchise but man those two games I watched were awesome and I’d watch those teams plays each other over and over and so should other people.

BECAUSE THAT IS GOOD FUCKING BASEBALL.

Now that leads me into my other tangent about what can help baseball become more entertaining, because lets be honest it’s the entertainment value that gets the viewers. So here’s a little list for you-

1. Fighting- When was the last time the Mariners had a brawl? Ok, you’re hella funny bro if you said the clubhouse fight last year. SUPER ORIGINAL DUDE! But seriously, after about 5 minutes of research the last time I think the Mariners had a brawl was… honestly literally can’t find anything after 1998 about a brawl. So lets just say the clubhouse brawl from last year. What a fucking joke.
2. Taunting- We need more shit talk. We need more somewhat inappropriate hand gestures at opposing players, and we definitely just need more of do not give a fuck attitude from players. This will definitely lead to more fighting so please start this.
3. Rivalries- Currently the Mariners rival is the San Diego Padres. It was cute and all but are you fucking serious? The problem is that the Mariners are not competitive so nobody gives a fuck about them therefore that leads to no rivalries.

Ok, so the first two are kind of a joke. I mean I’d love to see a brawl and some more taunting but this is not what the Mariners really need for more fan support. It’s easy, win. Scout, draft and develop talent at the minor leagues so that you have a constant flux of players ready to be a part of a winning team. Maybe not easy, but it should happen sooner or later after nearly 20 years of shit baseball.

MY THOUGHTS AND NOT YOURS

HORNS DOWN 4EVER

So college football isn’t set to start for another month or so, but we already have our stupid headline/story of the year.

This started last year when the Oklahoma Sooners were playing the Texas Longhorns in their annual Red River Shootout rivalry game (GET OUT OF HERE YOU LIBS WITH THAT RED RIVER SHOW DOWN BS) and some Sooners players started making the Texas Longhorns hand signal, but upside down.

Of course Texas players took offense and some players were shoved and separated. But now this is being talked about again this year at the Big 12 media days. FOR GODS SAKE THIS IS A HAND SIGNAL OF AN UPSIDE DOWN LONGHORNS SIGN. Everyone will be ok, I promise.

18 GAME SCHEDULE? ARE YOU FUCKING STUPID?

I don’t mean to be a dick (ok maybe I do) but anyone that has this fascination with this 18 game schedule bullshit needs help. In no way shape or form should any players be playing 18 games a season physically.

But dude, there’s going to be rule that players can only play 16 games!!!

Well fuck, thanks for letting me know that this idea is even more fucking stupid.

Sorry, I don’t want see anymore bad football than I have to. Yes, we see a lot of great football throughout the season but there’s also those duds of games that nobody should have witnessed. Can you imagine a couple of those games on prime time television (which happens every years) and then after one of those duds (which Patrick Mahomes played his worst game of the season) you get to watch his backup, the journeyman, a Michigan man, Chad Henne.

Congrats, enjoy that dud and then Henne. Hopefully there’s another alcoholic beverages or weed for the world to get through that week.

Also can you imagine coaches having to figure out when to bench players? Man, would they fucking hate that. I guess what it really boils down to for me is that why would a team not field the best team they have if no one is injured? What is the point? More money for the league or the players? More entertainment for the fans?

Because in my opinion in no way is this going to add more entertainment to the NFL. Hell it could make the NFL less entertaining. As for money is it really worth it for two more games? It just can’t be.

Stick to 16 games. It’s the best for everyone’s sake.

TOP 5

TOP THINGS TO BBQ

ITS THAT SZN LADIES AND GENTS. ITS GRILLIN SEASON LFG

5. Vegetables or fruit- I honestly have never grilled a fruit in my life and don’t plan on it. Onions are vegetables right?

4. Chicken- Give me all the grief in the world but chicken is better prepared other ways than grilled. Youre’ welcome for the advice.

3.    Burgers- There has been quite the onslaught of hurtful comments lately about how burgers being grilled is the wrong way to do it. Imo it’s not wrong if properly executed, but that can be tough.

2.    Hot dogs- A simple but classic delicacy of a wonderful array of flavored and smoked meats. There’s nothing better than getting that thing sweating on the grill.

1. Steaks- Hands down the best food to grill. In my opinion it’s hard to screw up a steak on the bbq as long as youre not a dumb ass and check it every 5 minutes or so. LEARN HOW TO GRILL A STEAK TO SAVE YOUR LIFE.

This past weekend the US GOD DAMN OF A won another world championship to prove that we are the greatest country ever. HERE IS A LITTLE POST AND A BIT MORE TIDBITS FOR YOU.

HELL YA AMERICA!

But for real the US women’s soccer team beat Netherlands 2-0 to win their second straight championship and their fourth all time. Let me tell you that was a beautiful game to watch and I was swept up in the emotion since the kick off (is that what you call it?). Rose Lavelle’s goal was filthy, and of course Megan Rapinoe finished her penalty to celebrate with her iconic LOOOK THE FUCK AT HOW MUCH OF A BOSS I AM pose.

I’m sure there are so many other things that contributed to such a monumental win, but I don’t know shit about soccer/futbol. But I do know a couple of things.

First off, these women are some of the best athletes in the world. I don’t care if they’re not as fast, strong or whatever as a man, these women have dominated their competition the last four years and deserve some damn recognition. Not only have they dominated, you watch some of these women play and you can see that they are world class athletes. Hope Solo, Abby Wambach, Megan Rapinoe, Alex Morgan, and so many others before these most recent ones should have proven that these women deserve to be in that top athlete pantheon.

Secondly, PAY THESE WOMEN THE SAME AS MEN. NO MATTER FUCKING WHAT. I understand that other revenue outside of the USA soccer’s control is subject to some debate such as advertising, ticket sales, tournament bids/prizes and etc. But the fact that USA is paying the men more than the women not based on anything that’s just a crock of bullshit. Not only is it 2019 and the world has changed for the better, but the women are MORE SUCCESSFUL than the men. Read that last sentence five more times. Read it once more. Ok, now think about it for a second. Now please if anyone still disagrees that women should be the at least the same if not MORE by the USA please let me know. I’d love to hear an argument against this one.

Lastly or thirdly whatever the hell you want to call it, please stop holding women athletes to a different standard than men. This whole thing about criticizing their celebrations is so fucking stupid. When was the last time we criticized Lebron, Tom Brady or any other football player for a simple and yet appropriate celebration? NO THEY DID NOT SO LEAVE ALEX MORGAN ALONE!

Now listen here, these women might be the best dynasty in the last 20 years. Off the top of my head in the last 20 years you’ve got the New England Patriots, Lost Angeles Lakers, Golden State Warriors, Lebron (JK LOL), and some others so it’s definitely a healthy debate. But, there is no argument against them being paid and respected like the men.

After all my admiration I do have one gripe.

It’s not with the team themselves, it’s with their fans who have suddenly found it endearing to become a massive herd to just team up on trolls or someone with a different (but maybe stupid opinion). It usually starts with somebody tweeting that dumb tweet, then someone with a lot of followers retweeting it to their followers who are probably crazy stans, who then latch on like mosquito sucking blood. It’s really an odd thing that I despise about Twitter/social media. PLS I BEG OF YOU STOP STAN/HERD MENTALITY, IT”S JUST STUPID.

In the end this is simple, just treat these successful athletes like any other successful athlete and move on.

SINCE YOU”VE BEEN GONE

KAWHI SIGNED WITH THE CLIPPERS AND THEN PAUL GEORGE JOINED HIM IN A TRADE——-

HALLEJUAH, THANK THE LORD. In my humble opinion Kawhi joining the Lakers would have been a disaster in the wings. I could never see Lebron and Kawhi being teammates, they are polar opposites.

And I like this little LA rivalry thing with Lebron and AD on the Lakers and PG and Kawhi on the Clips. It also helps the leagues parity which will make this league even more entertaining. Now lets just see where Russ goes. I can only imagine that Miami Heat locker room if Russ and Jimmy were teammates.

https://gph.is/2N7bHSg

Pete Alonso wins 1 MILLION DOLLARS—–

I watched maybe 5 minutes of this thing and I am very sad I missed it. It sounded like an absolute blast (pun intended) with a field full of young power hitters with some swag. How cool would it be if these guys resurrected baseball?

Look at Vlad Jr., Acuna, Cody Bellinger, Pete Alonso and the entire field and those guys are special. They have the potential to become absolute superstars and help the MLB regain a little bit of posture in the popularity standings.

But lets be honest it won’t just  be a homerun derby that saves this game. Not even these guys can save the game themselves. The MLB has to look at themselves and then the NFL and NBA. They have to understand that they are not the cool league anymore because they have these ridiculous old school unwritten rules that haven’t been updated since Clinton was with Lewinsky. LET THE KIDS PLAY MOTHA FUCKAS.

I”LL LEAVE YOU WITH THIS…

Today is the MLB All Star game. Do you remember the 2001 all star game? It was at the brand new Safeco Field. Cal Ripken Jr. and his retirement was the national story, which is totally fair and worthy, but the main story in my head was all the Seattle Mariners connections.

THE AL ALL STAR TEAM HAD 8 TOTAL MARINERS ON IT. THE STARTING LINEUP HAD 4 MARINERS. THIS WAS WHEN JOHN OLERUD WAS SLASHING HITS ALL OVER THE FIELD, BRET BOONE WAS BAT FLIPPING ON EVERYONE, ICHIRO WAS LIGHTING THE LEAGUE ON FIRE AND EDGAR MARTINEZ WAS JUST BEING AN OG.

Man do I miss those days.

Ok, let’s be honest. Zion Williamson is already a star, but I just wanted to use a catchy cliché title to draw you in.

Hopefully it worked.

But Williamson will start his much anticipated NBA career tonight after one brief, but electric season at the basketball factory Duke University. He’ll start for the team that drafted him, and somehow miraculously tumbled into the first pick after an insane lottery, the New Orleans Pelicans.

And guess who Williamson and the Pelicans play tonight in their first summer league game?

The New York Knicks.

How fucking perfect is that? The team and fanbase that so desperately wanted that number one pick so that Williamson could resurrect (save?) the Knicks tepid franchise but instead they slid down to the third pick. I love sticking it to these big city franchises.

So hopefully Williamson- hold on for a second while I go on a tangent, I feel like Zion Williamson should just go by Zion. Like a Brazilian futbol player, or Ichiro when he was in the MLB. Like his jersey should literally say Zion on the back, don’t even mess with Williamson. I’d buy that jersey ASAP. Ok back to my scheduled thoughts- can dunk all over these Knicks and use this game as a stepping stone for a superstar career.

I don’t think anyone is against Williamson becoming a star, that would just be kind of weird. But lets just say I want Williamson to become a star because the we need it. We the people need it.

Why do the people need it? I’ll break it down for you.

DUNKS-

If you’ve never seen Williamson dunk a basketball please stop reading this now and go youtube Zion Williamson dunks. Please proceed to watch at least 15 minutes of his highlight dunks (you’ll probably want to keep watching, please do) and be amazed.

The fact that any human being can jump that high or far while doing other crazy acrobatics in the air WHILE trying to score the ball into the hoop seems impossible. But he does it, with relative ease.

Here are a couple of dunks I’d recommend for you to watch to get the full grasp on what I’m really talking about-

This is unreal for any human to jump from 15 feet to dunk a basketball. We’ve seen the classic Michael Jordan video (if you haven’t again stop and go youtube it, also wtf are you doing with your life if you’ve never seen this?) in the dunk contest doing the same thing. But off the top of my head I honestly can’t remember anyone else doing it. I’m sure others have but it’s a ridiculously difficult thing to do.

So I can’t find just the highlight by itself so first enjoy this impressive dunk by Williamson’s teammate first and then be even more amazed by Williamson’s dunk after. I don’t understand how he literally spins and gravitates, then proceeds to do a windmill dunk ALL WWHILE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE GAME. Also don’t overlook the defensive part of Williamson here intercepting that ball like Earl Thomas out of nowhere.

This dunk is at the very beginning of the video. The dunks after are nice, but this to me is one of Williamson’s nicest dunks of his young career. I love the use of both hands here, how he can literally do anything with the ball with either his left or right. That isn’t easy for a 16 year old (which how old he is in this video) or anyone else to do. Then add in the alley oop part plus how high he is doing all this it doesn’t seem possible.

But here we are.

SIZE–

What seems to make this all even more impossible is that Williamson isn’t some 6’7” 200 prototypical high flyer. Yes, he’s 6’7” but he’s been listed between 270-295 pounds, and I’m sure he’ll play his career at the 280 range. I mean it seems to have been working out as of late.

I can only imagine having a 6’7” 200 pounder flying into my face, hell I’ve had Derrick Williams the University of Arizona legend and Nick Foles the Super Bowl MVP dunk on me at the Arizona rec center while playing pick up. Ya, that wasn’t fun, but I couldn’t imagine a 6’7” 285 pounder flying at me from 5-10 feet away.

Just to list a couple other human beings that size-

Julius Peppers defensive end for the Carolina Panthers played his career at 280-295 and is 6’7. He was also a freak athlete and played college basketball at North Carolina.

Hulk Hogan wrestled at 6’7” and somewhere between 285 and 300 pounds during his career. If you don’t know who Hulk Hogan please just stop what you’re doing and reevaluvate your life.

Lebron James- Ok so yes Lebron is 6’7 and probably hasn’t played much at 285 in his career but it’s been rumored he’s been at the weight before. No I’m not comparing Lebron to Zion 😉

Personality-

I don’t know Williamson personally and millions of people will never, but from what I’ve seen him in interviews and how he interacts with his teammates on he seems like a genuinely good person. I think majority of people like to watch a world class athlete act humble and have fun like a normal 19 year old would. I know personally when I’ve watched Williamson sit down for interviews he seems humble, sincere, friendly, funny and just down to earth.

As a younger person (at 27 I like to think I’m young except today my body does not feel like it after a couple long days of sun, swimming and drinking) I like to see my favorite athletes be exactly like Williamson. I know Lebron has his moments on and off the court where it seems like his teammates aren’t fond of him, but when you really think about it nobody has come out and said “Lebron is a total dick”, and that’s why Lebron is a famous world class athlete. Because he has come from little and still acts like it for the most part.

We’ve seen plenty of first pick busts in recent drafts and I ( and many others) could be completely wrong when it comes to Williamson’s future. But if you aren’t actually rooting for this kid to become a superstar then what’s wrong with you?

NUGGETS WITH A LITTLE SAUCEEE

NBA FREE AGENCY IS CRAY CRAY—-

The NBA is taking full advantage of the NFL offseason with the arrival of Zion, and of course some crazy NBA free agency. Just to recap-

Kevin Durant Golden State-à Brooklyn

Kyrie Irving Bostonà Brooklyn

Kemba Walker CharlotteàBoston

Jimmy Butler Minnesotaà Miami

D’Angelo Russell Brooklynà Golden State

Al Horford BostonàPhiladelphia

Kawhi Leonard Torontoà Who the fuck knows

We’ve witnessed some insane free agency deadlines in the NBA and MLB, but this one has really stood out to me not just because of these signings but also because of Anthony Davis was traded to the Lakers to play with Lebron.

THIS LEAGUE, MAN. I hope Kawhi stays with Toronto, I think the NBA would be so fun with that kind of parity. Plus, I can’t see LeBron and Kawhi being on the same team in Los Angeles. They seem like polar opposites to me, but hey that’s just my two cents.

A MAN WAS ROBBED AND HIS NAME IS…

DANIEL VOGELBACH. You might have never heard of him, but the burly Mariners slugger hits bombs. And I mean absolute bombs as Phil Mickelson would say. Yes, the Mariners suck. Yes, nobody watches the Mariners and probably don’t know who Vogelbach is.

But this guy has hit 20 homeruns in the first half of the season while only appearing at the plate 266 times. Also he looks like the rest of us and is just a stud. Let the man hit bombs with that awesome swing.

WHAT WERE YOU DOING AT 15?

Lets see here, I know for sure I was riding my longboard to the local sears for drivers ed. Man, I was hot shit back in the day. But for real, you know who is actually the current GOAT?

Coco Gauff, who is 15 years old won her third match at Wimbledon to advance to the firth round I’m sure was not worried about getting to drivers ed at the local Sears.

Like how in the in the actual hell does a 15 year old do this? I’d be freaking out even now at the age of 27. She also seems very poised on and off the court, which is even more impressive as a 15 year old.

Now this is literally my introduction this phenomenal athlete, but how will she handle a loss? How will she handle adversity? It’s tough at that age but man if she’s got the right system around her she could be that next tennis GOAT like Serena or Federer.

YOUR TOP 5

Yesterday was July 4^th so here are my top five favorite July 4^th things (very specifically)

5. Partying on July 3^rd– Unless you work on July 4^th you know you can turn up the night before with no consequences.

4. Cornhole- This has become quite the popular summer game the last couple of years and now I think of it as mandatory July 4^th game as well. If you don’t then lets fight.

3. Hot Dogs- Ok, so I think in general hot dogs get a bad wrap but I like to think we can all come together on July 4^th and eat hot dogs in a judge free environment.

2. Watching kids light off fireworks- I’m not a huge fireworks guy but I really enjoyed seeing a 5 year old wandering around with a bucket literally of fire down the street.

1. Family and Friends- I’m going to get corny here but nothing better than having a day to just hang out with the people in your life.

GOD BLESS AMERICA

Since I didn’t say anything about the NFL how about this- PLEASE KICK TYREEK HILL OUT OF THE LEAGUE NOW

FAREWELL HEATHENS

Anchorage, Alaska reached 90 degrees on July 4^th while Joey Chestnut ate 71 hot dogs.

You’re welcome.  

LETS FUCKING GOO BABY. I’m happy to be back writing a bit. I might be rusty but yolo, I’m here and I’m writing. These are my thoughts and you better enjoy them mother fuckers. LFG.